Surgeon asked me to decide between full depth and zero depth by December and I froze. How did you choose?

So, the pre-surgical consultation I mentioned in the summer finally happened at the end of September. I went in assuming I was there to agree a date for vaginoplasty, because that is what I have assumed for three years.

Instead the surgeon very calmly asked whether I had properly considered zero depth, given that I said I was not sure penetrative sex was something I wanted, and that I had mentioned my hands (I have early arthritis in both thumbs). She was not pushing, she was genuinely asking. She said there was no wrong answer and gave me until December to decide.

And I froze. Because the honest answer is I had never really considered it. I had just assumed full depth was the "real" one, and now I am lying awake thinking about three dilation sessions a day with thumbs that already ache opening jars.

How did those of you who had the choice actually make it?

I chose full depth and I would again, but I was very clear going in that I wanted it for sex, and I was 100% ready for the routine. That clarity is what made it easy. It sounds like you are not there, which is not a problem, it just means the question is real for you.

Also, your surgeon asking that question is a good sign about your surgeon.

Full depth here too, and honestly, about the thumbs: ask whether there are handles or aids, because the early weeks are a LOT of sessions and grip does come into it. I did not have arthritis and my hands still ached some evenings.

I know two women who chose zero depth. Neither of them felt like they had chosen the lesser version, which I think is the bit you are stuck on. One said she wanted the result and not the routine, and once she said it out loud the decision made itself.

There is a page on here that helped one of them, deciding between vaginoplasty and vulvoplasty. It is the dilation question laid out plainly rather than as a hierarchy.

knittingmara said:

she wanted the result and not the routine

I think this might be me. I have written two lists, what I want my body to look like and what I want it to do, and the second list is much shorter than I expected it to be.

Not deciding yet. But I have asked for a follow-up call with the surgeon's nurse to ask about the thumbs and about whether zero depth could ever be converted later, because that is the fear underneath the fear.

Short update. Nurse rang back. Converting later is apparently possible in some cases but is a much bigger operation than doing full depth first, so I should not choose zero depth "for now", only if I would be happy with it for good. Which is fair and honest and has actually made it easier.

Still thinking. Leaning one way. Will say which when I am sure.